The question of anonymity involves quite a few issues and some of their tendrils reach deep into ones that I struggle with; here is my exploration of them and the answer to the question. Not that too many people seem to wonder about it, but it is important to me. Perhaps this is because it is obvious to a lot of people but I also know many of us are hindered by the dynamic that G.B.Shaw put his finger on so firmly when someone quoted him-“No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.”. Let me spell out the obvious and otherwise.
In the same way that a convert feels compelled to share their conversion and the depth of their experience with others as well as the insights their transformation has given them, I have had similar revelations, as well as similar compulsions, that have shaped my outlook on life relative to fear and insecurity, the two underlying motives for being hidden.
I knew around the age of 17 that I was attracted to men, and for those of you who seem incapable of wrapping your head around the idea of “bisexuality”, this was long after I had an appreciation of women. Being attracted to men and women was never a contradiction in my mind for I have long had an understanding of the, at times, elusive subtleties and conflicts inherent in life and just how screwed up we, as a society, are, relative to sexuality and our black and white vision. Content with this understanding about myself and still deep in the grip of fear that I learned so very well growing up as a child, I never felt particularly passionate about sharing this with anyone in the larger world.
As my doors of perception opened and I grew up I came to understand just how warped I was from fear, how stunted and misshapen I had become and how, if not stopped, my fear would continue to damage myself and those around me. The cliché of F.D.R.’s is just that because it is so ragingly true- “The only thing we have to fear is, fear itself.” It is the mind killer.
Which is not to say that I am free of it. I continue to struggle with it to varying degrees and for a variety of reasons. However, several years ago, after a relationship was ended it occurred to me that in my new state of solitude it was the appropriate time to start owning the other aspects of my sexuality and was tired of letting the many oppressive voices, both in my head and in society at large, dictate my behavior. The relationship I was in was far from suffocating, but very much guided by the considerations for her comfort and security and as such didn’t feel the desire to come out of the closet; I was out to her and very much satisfied with things the way they were. The new solitude made me aware of how tired I was of being in the closet at the same time though, and I found an object to focus much of the ever present, seemingly congenital anger in me upon-homophobia, as well as all the attendant sickness it is both representative of and that it enables. So out I came with a vengeance, or at least what felt like vengeance.
The liberation I felt is difficult to describe, the change in outlook made so many things clearer. I had cracked through another layer of the petrifaction laid down by childhood, the scales were removed from my eyes.
Around this same time I was in a bicycle accident that resulted in a compound fracture of my lower jaw, a broken face/nose and a severe concussion; that is to say, more physical pain than I had ever experienced in my life. I say that after a previous skull fracture and severe concussion at the age of 5, an assault when I was 17 that left me with 60 stitches in my head and 12 in my back, and another mild concussion. In short, I know physical pain and the bike accident was the worst I have felt.
The point of bringing this experience up is to cast light on an incident that happened a couple of months after I had come out and after the bike accident-a beating at the hands of three skinheads. The details aren’t relevant except that, when asked at the start of it “I’ll bet you’re one of those hippy art fags, aren’t you?”, my reply, which I knew at the time was both the right one and the wrong one was “Yeah, what if I am?” I did this because I knew what real pain felt like, both psychological and physical, and the pain these two-bit losers were capable of inflicting was nothing I hadn’t already known. I did this because I wasn’t going to let homophobia make my decision. I wasn’t going to let their ignorance, insecurity and stupidity make the decisions for me. I wasn’t going to hide or crawl away from their behavior. I was right and they were wrong. It is my life and not theirs. I make the decisions and do so proudly and will get in the face of the vicious, stupid and insecure. I own my feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Fuck the bastards.
I am painfully aware of the potential for negative consequences as a result of simply being myself. I am, more importantly, aware of the negative consequences of yielding to ignorance, stupidity, fear and oppression. Overcoming fear is a visceral as well as a psychological need for me.
Those four qualities, ignorance, stupidity, fear and oppression are destroying my home, my nation, and my world, and are being pursued in a willful calculated approach by many people in this country and indeed by the very people who currently hold the reins of power and their small-minded, virulent, delusional supporters.
My adopting a posture of anonymity condones the very forces and their corrosive behaviors that are ravaging this nation. I will not live in fear. I will not hide. I will not turn the other cheek. I will not ignore the damage being done. I will not facilitate the power they are wielding to destroy the very ideals that we are, nominally at least, killing for. And praying for. And indoctrinating about. And paying for.
At this point in my life and from my point of view, anonymity is wrong. Anonymity is hiding because of fear. Anonymity is avoiding responsibility. Just ask John Hancock and the rest of our hallowed, revered, Founding Fathers.
Now then, having gone on in this righteous, indignant tone, let me share some of the other side of this coin I’m looking at.
Caution is brought about by an understanding of what one has to lose. The risk that life can be at times has made me move in a pretty calculated way and I am loath to lose what I have worked so hard to make in my life. More importantly and perhaps more relevantly to this post, nobody but myself is put in immediate risk by what I do and say, I don’t have that much to lose in an immediate fashion. As such I have a greater degree of liberty or to put this in another light, am less imprisoned by the circumstances I have created for myself.
I have been aware of this for awhile and to some degree, but it was brought to my attention recently in a conversation with a friend. He related to me an experience he had regarding a letter to the editor and a resulting online discussion in which he took someone to task for their out-of-control behavior in a youth sporting event. Someone else reading their exchange wrote to my friend revealing a lot of personal info about where my friend lived, the ages of his children and more with the intention of getting under his skin and wigging him out. And the online thug succeeded, my friend was understandably wigged out and in fact didn’t do anymore posting for awhile. He felt threatened, and justifiably so. His caution was born of his awareness of his responsibility to his family. I understand and respect that. The downside of that choice, however, is a defacto tolerance of socially unacceptable behavior. The threatening freak who took advantage of public trust and my friends assumption of security in our civilized society, crossed a line that is clearly drawn, and got away with it to the extent that he got his twisted kicks from it. My friend owned his action, he accepted responsibility for what he said , felt, and thought by signing his name. And was put in jeopardy for it by someone who used the anonymity the ’net provides to evade responsibility for his (or her) ugliness.
I have said, and will continue to say, some pretty inflammatory, impassioned things on this blog and do so in the belief that there are some people out there who are thoughtful and reflective enough to take what I say at face value and gain some insight into those who disagree with them. I am doing so with the understanding that I am taking a risk from some of the very same people who pose a greater risk to society and the values that this nation is founded upon. We protect free speech, not so we can be nice to one another, but so we can call people out on their stupidity, bullshit and just plain wrong-headedness. We also protect our right to be rude to one another in the belief that through discussion of these difficult divisive subjects arrive at a sensible reasoned coexistence with one another, and with this insight develop “a more perfect union”. I also believe that people tend to behave as they are treated, to rise or fall to the expectations placed before them. I am demanding intelligence because I think we’re intelligent people, please don’t prove me wrong. Be nice or you may come to understand in a fairly painful difficult fashion why it is important to do so.
Our faith and trust in one another is the baseline of our “domestic tranquility” and the social contract. We have a responsibility to one another, and I willfully, even joyfully accept that- I will not tolerate living in fear of those who do not. Neither should anyone else.
Signed in passion, anger, love and pride,
John Steven Holmes
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Bifurcation
As of yesterday, X-mas, I have a new blog-OnGrowing Art. It hit me at about 3:00AM that this is what I need to do, rather than, the hard way, which would have been struggling to get the money to pay down the credit card to get Lithicvision.com up on Microsoft Live Office. I know it's only $5.00 to pay the one-time registration fee but when your card is a bit beyond maxed out it isn't just $5.00, but anyway, enough kvetching about money.
As is almost always the case the hindsight is clear, and once again I feel a little sheepish for not "getting it" for so long. Ah well, the climb up the learning curve that is life continues.
The enthusiasm I'm feeling makes linear thought a challenge (as it can so often be it seems) and there is so much more to be done. Oddly enough this separation of the business from the personal already feels so much clearer and simplifying; I'll be able to a better job with each than I could with just this one. Clarity and focus, such good things.
As is almost always the case the hindsight is clear, and once again I feel a little sheepish for not "getting it" for so long. Ah well, the climb up the learning curve that is life continues.
The enthusiasm I'm feeling makes linear thought a challenge (as it can so often be it seems) and there is so much more to be done. Oddly enough this separation of the business from the personal already feels so much clearer and simplifying; I'll be able to a better job with each than I could with just this one. Clarity and focus, such good things.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Self absorbtion or self description?
You know, the more I contemplate what I’m doing with this site, the more I realize just how uncertain I am about things. So much of what I have to say seems so self-absorbed, so self-important. But, at the same time I seem to pull a thread through it all that makes it pertinent to a bigger picture(at least to me). Another aspect of the democratization that this tool facilitates; we can all say something. Part public diary (perhaps an oxymoron), part platform to proclaim- “I believe this. Engage me.” A large part of this is the fact that I am a fairly quiet, self-contained person, not terrifically social or talkative. I do feel passionate about some things (quite a few really) however, and so here we are. It seems that I’m sharing what I am about myself on this site in the belief that what I have to say is so deeply interconnected with my art and politics that I don’t know where to draw the line, or to what degree a distinction needs to be drawn- the personal is political.
Clearly I’m not a writer, and the rather oblique fashion I take is pretty indicative of an absence of formal education. I, like so many other people in this life, am engaged in on the job training. I’m wanting to recall a quote of Noam Chomsky that a friend mentioned; something about (I’ll parabutcher here) “Never has there been more opportunity to get an education than right now, you just won’t get it at a university.”
I’ll, for now, lay things down in the following format- (having the heart of a poet, as someone whom I respect told me once. Not a poet, just the heart of one.) who, what, why, when, and how. If you’re wondering where the where is? The glorious Sonoran desert (except for a short, extremely important spell in that unsustainable conglomeration called El Lay).
Who am I? The label I was given, which is derived from my family’s past, is John Steven Holmes. A human being, and according to the systemic structure that rational thinking has developed over the last few centuries, Homo sapiens. The Latin root sapiens means wise, to have discriminating taste, to be sensible. Who I am is born of my senses; I am, and we, this species, are sensible. Although, perceiving the things going on around me I wonder if it isn’t time to reassess this description. I was born August 25th, 1964. I am not a fixed, static state but a perpetually changing being, and as such, this could be a long list of adjectives that will continue to grow. I am an artist, I am a frosting maker on the cake of society. And lest you question the value of the arts, ask yourself, which do you prefer, cake with or without frosting? And how much more will you pay for that?
What do I do? I make the things that come into my mind. I respond to the feelings that arise from my perceptions that in turn modify my definitions of myself. The answer is contingent upon the question, or rather the statement-“I am”- dissatisfied with my surroundings, I will change the stimulus to create a state of satisfaction. This is also modified by when I have done what I have done.
Why do I do what I do? Because I am dissatisfied with my state of being and the conditions that shape my perceptions.
When have I done things? The answer to that question is an extensive list of actions laid out in a chronological fashion, that for many people contribute to the definitions, the answer to the question of who I am. To those of you who might like a bit more, I’ll post what passes for my c.v. soon.And you can bet I'll have a lot of poetic fun with that one as well.
How do I do that which I have done and will do? Answer-technical training and accumulated experiences that have provided me with insight into the nature of material reality and the means of manipulating those materials to satisfy my needs.
So much for the playful/poetic approach. In this world, if I want to wear the label of “Artist” as a professional, I find it funny that a segment of our society that has a history of breaking with convention can be so goddamned static and utterly rigid, so uncompromising in its expectations of presentation, format and formality. I try to play the game most of the time, but sometimes I like to test the load bearing limits of the “rules”; how far do they bend before they break?
An artists statement is a bit of all of what I have been so loquaciously pouring out; an expression of why I do what I do, a little bit of what I do, how I do what I do. I guess the when is what is in a c.v..
My philosophy of art, of aesthetics, is also one of healing, of filling the void, of first identifying the unmet need that drives us all. I believe that all of us, everywhere, do what we do because we believe it to be, at some level (usually unknown to us though) good for us; it resolves something inside us. A friend told me once that we all have holes in us that we need filled, it’s just that what we use to fill those holes doesn’t always fit; it may feel good, but that doesn’t mean it fits.
For now, simply put-I make beauty. The next question might be- “What is beauty?” Setting that one aside for a moment, the drive to creation needs to be addressed first. I make something in response to an absence. I don’t make something I already have; the experiential baseline is that of -not beautiful. I’m not saying ugly; that is something altogether different, although I honestly haven’t given it much thought. The baseline is a negative, not having that which I desire. Where does this desire to make come from? An absence, a void, a dissatisfaction, a negative.
I am- a reality modifier, one who engages in action in response to my perceptions, my sensations that allow me to discriminate between my senses according to the quality of those perceptions and the effect those sensations have upon my state of being. My reality is-( fill in the blank). Your actions will follow from that description. What you do depends upon how you feel, literally upon your perceptions, your physical sensitivity to your surroundings. How you describe your reality will inform how you behave. To be sensitive is to be more fully human. The degree to which we are sensitive is the degree to which we are humane. To perceive in a discriminating fashion is to be human. Sensitivity is contingent upon awareness, cognition. I think, therefore I am. My reality is that which I perceive. What I perceive is subject to my actions. I am a doer, I engage in action, I am an actor. Am I what I do?
Clearly I’m not a writer, and the rather oblique fashion I take is pretty indicative of an absence of formal education. I, like so many other people in this life, am engaged in on the job training. I’m wanting to recall a quote of Noam Chomsky that a friend mentioned; something about (I’ll parabutcher here) “Never has there been more opportunity to get an education than right now, you just won’t get it at a university.”
I’ll, for now, lay things down in the following format- (having the heart of a poet, as someone whom I respect told me once. Not a poet, just the heart of one.) who, what, why, when, and how. If you’re wondering where the where is? The glorious Sonoran desert (except for a short, extremely important spell in that unsustainable conglomeration called El Lay).
Who am I? The label I was given, which is derived from my family’s past, is John Steven Holmes. A human being, and according to the systemic structure that rational thinking has developed over the last few centuries, Homo sapiens. The Latin root sapiens means wise, to have discriminating taste, to be sensible. Who I am is born of my senses; I am, and we, this species, are sensible. Although, perceiving the things going on around me I wonder if it isn’t time to reassess this description. I was born August 25th, 1964. I am not a fixed, static state but a perpetually changing being, and as such, this could be a long list of adjectives that will continue to grow. I am an artist, I am a frosting maker on the cake of society. And lest you question the value of the arts, ask yourself, which do you prefer, cake with or without frosting? And how much more will you pay for that?
What do I do? I make the things that come into my mind. I respond to the feelings that arise from my perceptions that in turn modify my definitions of myself. The answer is contingent upon the question, or rather the statement-“I am”- dissatisfied with my surroundings, I will change the stimulus to create a state of satisfaction. This is also modified by when I have done what I have done.
Why do I do what I do? Because I am dissatisfied with my state of being and the conditions that shape my perceptions.
When have I done things? The answer to that question is an extensive list of actions laid out in a chronological fashion, that for many people contribute to the definitions, the answer to the question of who I am. To those of you who might like a bit more, I’ll post what passes for my c.v. soon.And you can bet I'll have a lot of poetic fun with that one as well.
How do I do that which I have done and will do? Answer-technical training and accumulated experiences that have provided me with insight into the nature of material reality and the means of manipulating those materials to satisfy my needs.
So much for the playful/poetic approach. In this world, if I want to wear the label of “Artist” as a professional, I find it funny that a segment of our society that has a history of breaking with convention can be so goddamned static and utterly rigid, so uncompromising in its expectations of presentation, format and formality. I try to play the game most of the time, but sometimes I like to test the load bearing limits of the “rules”; how far do they bend before they break?
An artists statement is a bit of all of what I have been so loquaciously pouring out; an expression of why I do what I do, a little bit of what I do, how I do what I do. I guess the when is what is in a c.v..
My philosophy of art, of aesthetics, is also one of healing, of filling the void, of first identifying the unmet need that drives us all. I believe that all of us, everywhere, do what we do because we believe it to be, at some level (usually unknown to us though) good for us; it resolves something inside us. A friend told me once that we all have holes in us that we need filled, it’s just that what we use to fill those holes doesn’t always fit; it may feel good, but that doesn’t mean it fits.
For now, simply put-I make beauty. The next question might be- “What is beauty?” Setting that one aside for a moment, the drive to creation needs to be addressed first. I make something in response to an absence. I don’t make something I already have; the experiential baseline is that of -not beautiful. I’m not saying ugly; that is something altogether different, although I honestly haven’t given it much thought. The baseline is a negative, not having that which I desire. Where does this desire to make come from? An absence, a void, a dissatisfaction, a negative.
I am- a reality modifier, one who engages in action in response to my perceptions, my sensations that allow me to discriminate between my senses according to the quality of those perceptions and the effect those sensations have upon my state of being. My reality is-( fill in the blank). Your actions will follow from that description. What you do depends upon how you feel, literally upon your perceptions, your physical sensitivity to your surroundings. How you describe your reality will inform how you behave. To be sensitive is to be more fully human. The degree to which we are sensitive is the degree to which we are humane. To perceive in a discriminating fashion is to be human. Sensitivity is contingent upon awareness, cognition. I think, therefore I am. My reality is that which I perceive. What I perceive is subject to my actions. I am a doer, I engage in action, I am an actor. Am I what I do?
Friday, November 16, 2007
Cracking the whip over my own head
Lawd-a-mighty, give me the time and energy to find my voice and shout it out loud!
Again I'm struck by the dynamic qualities of this blog thing; I'll get over it soon, or not, and just continue the feeling coming over me. Reading a lot of other blogs recently, I'm humbled by the wealth of brilliance and stunned at the same time by just how many stupid people there are. How much weirdness can this planet hold?
I've concluded that this soapbox should be, just that, so look for more passion, hyperbole, and a good dose of my best efforts at articulate thought about whatever comes to mind. When enough cash crosses my palms to pay down my credit card I'll be able to get Lithicvision.com up and running; in the mean time I'm just gonna howl (or whimper, as need be). Starting with some general observations I have made in the past; I just need to get these things out there.
I haven't done much of my own ruminating (that is to say writing/thinking on paper) for several months and was going over the older things that, at the time, seemed reasonable. As I reread them in hopes of posting some I see just how many things need to be tweaked. Events come and go and much of what I wrote to just get it out of my head seems so topical and...not very contemporary but I am modifying them to put up here and have what follows for a start. DISCLAIMER: this is a little stiff and has been done to be clear in my own head at least as much as for public consumption. I also like playing with words and being full of myself sometimes.
While it seems that some of the wind has gone from the sail of the far right god thugs, I need to get this first declaration out there. Another DISCLAIMER: ANY REFERENCES TO, OR DIRECT STATEMENTS OF VIOLENCE ARE THEORETICAL AND ABSTRACT. THEY ARE WORDS NOT ACTIONS. Rhetoric has its place and with words being the most powerful creation of humanity, I will do my best to use them judiciously and with an awareness of the consequences. Indeed it is with this understanding that I choose the words I do, they are the most effective means of expressing my passion and, however loosely constructed they my be, my philosophical beliefs. I'm not an academic I just like to flex my verbal/mental muscles sometimes. I may regret somethings sometimes but, as the Butthole Surfers said, via the Red Hot Chili Peppers-It's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't do.
Now- 1...2...3...GO
A PATRIOTIC DEMOCRAT
In light of the Christian rights’ concerted efforts to disenfranchise me, as a human being with a predisposition to loving people regardless of their gender, I feel compelled to define a few terms being bandied about of late. This is directed at those of you under the aforementioned umbrella who demonstrate the capacity to think and reflect (and I know you‘re out there); the rest of you, well, you’re too fucking stupid to reason with, so forget it.
One of the words flying about: patriotism. I’ll include here associated words and phrases such as “love of country”, “good American”, and the like. The definition in Webster’s Tenth-patriot: one who loves his or her country and respects its authority and interests. My country, ‘tis of thee, land of liberty, land that I love. What more than words do I give, how do you know its not just glib sophistry, words. Since the implication is that you don’t respect me enough to take my words, what else do I have to do? How do I prove to you that I love my country? And better yet that I respect its authority and interests? What credentials are required of me to be a patriot? Let me ask you a question. Does your questioning of my words imply that you don’t have enough respect for me to take me at my word?
My country, where I was born; yep, I really dig the place I call home, it’s pretty fucking great in fact and I’m really tired of unaccountable and irresponsible greedy bastards taking everything they can get their bloody little hands on and poisoning the space that we all share in the process. And that’s not just corporations but most of us, we’re all responsible for this place but some of us are dirtier than others. I’m sick and tired (in some cases literally) of “shareholders” who are too fucking stupid to understand that we all have a stake in how this ship sails, not just the ones with the most money. It’s my air, my water, my land also, quit fucking it up for your goddamned money, or better yet because your god gave it to you to do as you please. My country, the place organized around the Declaration and Constitution? The “idea” of my country as opposed to the more mundane and tangible “land”? The idea that we are all equal and thus endowed with the same things as one another by virtue of our common humanity? Specifically rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? That the role of government is to secure these qualities that we all have in common from those that would prevent us from exercising our liberty? That it only does what it does for me, on my behalf, with my agreement, and indeed that its’ only claim to legitimacy is because I have agreed to let it do so, it lies in my consent to be governed. If that same government ceases to do that, it is in fact my duty to change that dynamic and stop it from alienating me from my nature which is predisposed to liberty. I will absolutely trumpet my love of those ideas, I love my country.
Do I respect its authority? Since it exists for me, by my consent, since its authority comes from my willingness to be governed, it seems to me that question is kinda silly.
Respect it interests? A nation built upon self-interest, not king and cleric. It is up to me to determine what is in my best interests. Why would I not love a country like that? How rational, how reasonable! How enlightened!
We can all get together and decide what is the best course for this organization of humanity. If you don’t want to listen to me, take my thoughts into consideration, in this organization, you can’t tell me what to do. If you expect me to listen to you I expect you to do the same. If your religious beliefs dictate that I be excluded from this agreement, we don’t have a democracy, we have a theocracy. I don’t feel very patriotic towards a theocracy that thinks I am not endowed with the same qualities as you. Patriotism in America means valuing equality, not your religious beliefs. Democracy trumps religion every time. I’ll say it again- When it doesn’t we don’t have democracy we have theocracy. My equality beats your religion; I do value my secular agreement over and above your small-minded exclusionary religious beliefs. I can’t help it if you insist on distorting, twisting and misunderstanding my beliefs into something you feel justified in beating me over the head with. Secular humanism is not my religion no matter how much you insist in ignoring what I’ve said to the contrary; I do place my well being and reasoned choices above any religious doctrine. To do contrary is to deny my humanity, or as you might put it to deny how god made me, and god doesn’t make mistakes does she? (oops, there I go again, playing around with gender) Wouldn’t it be sacrilegious of me to believe otherwise? To go against the wishes and will of my creator?
I have a duty, a responsibility to stand up to when you are being disagreeable, when you are telling me to do something that is contrary to my happiness. Together we can reach an agreement to, if nothing else, stay the hell out of each others faces because doing that is better that the alternative, unless you have so little respect for me to even do that (stay out of my face). Let me tell you first however that you are the one trying to tell me how to live my life. I’m not telling you how to live your life. My agenda is one of equality and respect, because I know you’re human and subject to all that that entails. In fact it is in my best interests to treat you that way; people who are respected are more likely to behave with respect. Make no mistake on this count however. When you break your agreement to treat me as you wish to be treated I will no longer uphold any obligations to your life liberty and happiness and gladly send you on your way to heaven, after all, a much better place than what we have here, huh? I will not let you take my country from me even if that means treating you in a fashion that is contrary to the ideals I am trying to uphold. You have agreed to not agree with me. There are consequences for your acts just as there are for everyone.
Yeah, some of what I just said is kinda ugly. Anger is a pretty ugly thing, but it is real and won't be denied. Deal. We, Americans have been doing some pretty ugly things all over the place. Some of us even think it is our "God-given right" to do so. I'm not including myself in that group specifically, but it is a phrase that could use some parsing. Another post some time.
To clarify some things about myself for those of you who need labels to sort things out I'll give a few ideological short cuts. I'm not an anarchist, I'm not a Libertarian, I'm not a gun nut. I am a registered Democrat (although for the record I think we really have one party in this country, the business party that has two wings- Dems and that other bunch). I am an Eagle Scout (to the extent that provides me with some measure, in some peoples eyes, with more "patriot" cred. The BSA has disavowed any claim to legitimacy in my eyes as far as their policy of exclusion is concerned. Again, some other post, some other time.) I was even an Assistant Scout Master for a brief time. If pressed to restrict my religious beliefs down to a label, painful though that is, I would pick Buddhist,(or Hindu, or...) I don't like to simplify things much, life isn't always that way and my thoughts certainly aren't.
Again I'm struck by the dynamic qualities of this blog thing; I'll get over it soon, or not, and just continue the feeling coming over me. Reading a lot of other blogs recently, I'm humbled by the wealth of brilliance and stunned at the same time by just how many stupid people there are. How much weirdness can this planet hold?
I've concluded that this soapbox should be, just that, so look for more passion, hyperbole, and a good dose of my best efforts at articulate thought about whatever comes to mind. When enough cash crosses my palms to pay down my credit card I'll be able to get Lithicvision.com up and running; in the mean time I'm just gonna howl (or whimper, as need be). Starting with some general observations I have made in the past; I just need to get these things out there.
I haven't done much of my own ruminating (that is to say writing/thinking on paper) for several months and was going over the older things that, at the time, seemed reasonable. As I reread them in hopes of posting some I see just how many things need to be tweaked. Events come and go and much of what I wrote to just get it out of my head seems so topical and...not very contemporary but I am modifying them to put up here and have what follows for a start. DISCLAIMER: this is a little stiff and has been done to be clear in my own head at least as much as for public consumption. I also like playing with words and being full of myself sometimes.
While it seems that some of the wind has gone from the sail of the far right god thugs, I need to get this first declaration out there. Another DISCLAIMER: ANY REFERENCES TO, OR DIRECT STATEMENTS OF VIOLENCE ARE THEORETICAL AND ABSTRACT. THEY ARE WORDS NOT ACTIONS. Rhetoric has its place and with words being the most powerful creation of humanity, I will do my best to use them judiciously and with an awareness of the consequences. Indeed it is with this understanding that I choose the words I do, they are the most effective means of expressing my passion and, however loosely constructed they my be, my philosophical beliefs. I'm not an academic I just like to flex my verbal/mental muscles sometimes. I may regret somethings sometimes but, as the Butthole Surfers said, via the Red Hot Chili Peppers-It's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't do.
Now- 1...2...3...GO
A PATRIOTIC DEMOCRAT
In light of the Christian rights’ concerted efforts to disenfranchise me, as a human being with a predisposition to loving people regardless of their gender, I feel compelled to define a few terms being bandied about of late. This is directed at those of you under the aforementioned umbrella who demonstrate the capacity to think and reflect (and I know you‘re out there); the rest of you, well, you’re too fucking stupid to reason with, so forget it.
One of the words flying about: patriotism. I’ll include here associated words and phrases such as “love of country”, “good American”, and the like. The definition in Webster’s Tenth-patriot: one who loves his or her country and respects its authority and interests. My country, ‘tis of thee, land of liberty, land that I love. What more than words do I give, how do you know its not just glib sophistry, words. Since the implication is that you don’t respect me enough to take my words, what else do I have to do? How do I prove to you that I love my country? And better yet that I respect its authority and interests? What credentials are required of me to be a patriot? Let me ask you a question. Does your questioning of my words imply that you don’t have enough respect for me to take me at my word?
My country, where I was born; yep, I really dig the place I call home, it’s pretty fucking great in fact and I’m really tired of unaccountable and irresponsible greedy bastards taking everything they can get their bloody little hands on and poisoning the space that we all share in the process. And that’s not just corporations but most of us, we’re all responsible for this place but some of us are dirtier than others. I’m sick and tired (in some cases literally) of “shareholders” who are too fucking stupid to understand that we all have a stake in how this ship sails, not just the ones with the most money. It’s my air, my water, my land also, quit fucking it up for your goddamned money, or better yet because your god gave it to you to do as you please. My country, the place organized around the Declaration and Constitution? The “idea” of my country as opposed to the more mundane and tangible “land”? The idea that we are all equal and thus endowed with the same things as one another by virtue of our common humanity? Specifically rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? That the role of government is to secure these qualities that we all have in common from those that would prevent us from exercising our liberty? That it only does what it does for me, on my behalf, with my agreement, and indeed that its’ only claim to legitimacy is because I have agreed to let it do so, it lies in my consent to be governed. If that same government ceases to do that, it is in fact my duty to change that dynamic and stop it from alienating me from my nature which is predisposed to liberty. I will absolutely trumpet my love of those ideas, I love my country.
Do I respect its authority? Since it exists for me, by my consent, since its authority comes from my willingness to be governed, it seems to me that question is kinda silly.
Respect it interests? A nation built upon self-interest, not king and cleric. It is up to me to determine what is in my best interests. Why would I not love a country like that? How rational, how reasonable! How enlightened!
We can all get together and decide what is the best course for this organization of humanity. If you don’t want to listen to me, take my thoughts into consideration, in this organization, you can’t tell me what to do. If you expect me to listen to you I expect you to do the same. If your religious beliefs dictate that I be excluded from this agreement, we don’t have a democracy, we have a theocracy. I don’t feel very patriotic towards a theocracy that thinks I am not endowed with the same qualities as you. Patriotism in America means valuing equality, not your religious beliefs. Democracy trumps religion every time. I’ll say it again- When it doesn’t we don’t have democracy we have theocracy. My equality beats your religion; I do value my secular agreement over and above your small-minded exclusionary religious beliefs. I can’t help it if you insist on distorting, twisting and misunderstanding my beliefs into something you feel justified in beating me over the head with. Secular humanism is not my religion no matter how much you insist in ignoring what I’ve said to the contrary; I do place my well being and reasoned choices above any religious doctrine. To do contrary is to deny my humanity, or as you might put it to deny how god made me, and god doesn’t make mistakes does she? (oops, there I go again, playing around with gender) Wouldn’t it be sacrilegious of me to believe otherwise? To go against the wishes and will of my creator?
I have a duty, a responsibility to stand up to when you are being disagreeable, when you are telling me to do something that is contrary to my happiness. Together we can reach an agreement to, if nothing else, stay the hell out of each others faces because doing that is better that the alternative, unless you have so little respect for me to even do that (stay out of my face). Let me tell you first however that you are the one trying to tell me how to live my life. I’m not telling you how to live your life. My agenda is one of equality and respect, because I know you’re human and subject to all that that entails. In fact it is in my best interests to treat you that way; people who are respected are more likely to behave with respect. Make no mistake on this count however. When you break your agreement to treat me as you wish to be treated I will no longer uphold any obligations to your life liberty and happiness and gladly send you on your way to heaven, after all, a much better place than what we have here, huh? I will not let you take my country from me even if that means treating you in a fashion that is contrary to the ideals I am trying to uphold. You have agreed to not agree with me. There are consequences for your acts just as there are for everyone.
Yeah, some of what I just said is kinda ugly. Anger is a pretty ugly thing, but it is real and won't be denied. Deal. We, Americans have been doing some pretty ugly things all over the place. Some of us even think it is our "God-given right" to do so. I'm not including myself in that group specifically, but it is a phrase that could use some parsing. Another post some time.
To clarify some things about myself for those of you who need labels to sort things out I'll give a few ideological short cuts. I'm not an anarchist, I'm not a Libertarian, I'm not a gun nut. I am a registered Democrat (although for the record I think we really have one party in this country, the business party that has two wings- Dems and that other bunch). I am an Eagle Scout (to the extent that provides me with some measure, in some peoples eyes, with more "patriot" cred. The BSA has disavowed any claim to legitimacy in my eyes as far as their policy of exclusion is concerned. Again, some other post, some other time.) I was even an Assistant Scout Master for a brief time. If pressed to restrict my religious beliefs down to a label, painful though that is, I would pick Buddhist,(or Hindu, or...) I don't like to simplify things much, life isn't always that way and my thoughts certainly aren't.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Time for a split?
Another dawning realization is that I may need two blogs; one a professional/business site to avoid scaring people away and another for everything that can be scary.
One of the issues that keep coming up is the overlap between the two realms that do in fact overlap. Art is personal, at times very intimate. Business, at least in a traditional sense, is weighted with the expectations of PROFESSIONALISM. While I’m sure many others have explored this issue in more depth and clarity, and with more eloquence than I, it is my reality now and my head is hard enough to run into this issue and not be traumatized, so here we are. I pride myself in my tendency and capacity to behave in unconventional ways and this is to a measure some of the excitement I feel about this new medium, electrons as fluid as paint, as potent as words, as impermanent as wind, and solid as a rock. Business is done differently now, social interactions are different; the cliché true- we’re in a brave new world, the old rules are changing. Having said that I, for reasons I learned a few years ago, feel the need to be a bit conservative. Which is at odds with the drive to embrace the liberty that gives birth to the new and manifests my passion. Really, the age old conflict between order and freedom, another set of ideas I need to pour forth about, and here is the crystallization of the issue. When my art is an exploration of these very ideas, (largely in my head at this point) how do I go about separating the strands in a practical fashion. I have been told and have read that the best business comes from a personal relationship with one’s client. How personal is too personal? Does the person simply wanting to buy something beautiful(that I do so well) when coming to my site need to be linguistically assaulted by some rant about how appallingly corrosive the Republican liar squad is on our body politic. About sexual liberty in the land of the free, now terrified? And then the struggle over whether I want to do business with people I don’t like or the delight I feel in taking their money. The need to behave with integrity towards my own values of respect and decency, knowing that the world I want to live in and create is one of respect for others and myself, and being honest with my own feelings and clear about the damage done to that same integrity when I tolerate disrespect from people who, to be perfectly honest, have utter contempt for “faggots like me” (for the record and so as not to confuse people-I'm bisexual- neither gay nor straight). I will pour out these ideas in my own words and art; but it is also business. To be honest and true when that same honesty is overwhelming and uncomfortable, there's a challenge. Art can harness this passion and I can make a living at it because I do it well. Caveat emptor.
Another note I need to stick in here is something a friend told me a few years ago that I wish I had been told as a child, and maybe the single most important lesson I have ever learned. There are only two things every single human has to do in this world. First-Make your own decisions, nobody can do that for you. Second-Live by the consequences.
One of the issues that keep coming up is the overlap between the two realms that do in fact overlap. Art is personal, at times very intimate. Business, at least in a traditional sense, is weighted with the expectations of PROFESSIONALISM. While I’m sure many others have explored this issue in more depth and clarity, and with more eloquence than I, it is my reality now and my head is hard enough to run into this issue and not be traumatized, so here we are. I pride myself in my tendency and capacity to behave in unconventional ways and this is to a measure some of the excitement I feel about this new medium, electrons as fluid as paint, as potent as words, as impermanent as wind, and solid as a rock. Business is done differently now, social interactions are different; the cliché true- we’re in a brave new world, the old rules are changing. Having said that I, for reasons I learned a few years ago, feel the need to be a bit conservative. Which is at odds with the drive to embrace the liberty that gives birth to the new and manifests my passion. Really, the age old conflict between order and freedom, another set of ideas I need to pour forth about, and here is the crystallization of the issue. When my art is an exploration of these very ideas, (largely in my head at this point) how do I go about separating the strands in a practical fashion. I have been told and have read that the best business comes from a personal relationship with one’s client. How personal is too personal? Does the person simply wanting to buy something beautiful(that I do so well) when coming to my site need to be linguistically assaulted by some rant about how appallingly corrosive the Republican liar squad is on our body politic. About sexual liberty in the land of the free, now terrified? And then the struggle over whether I want to do business with people I don’t like or the delight I feel in taking their money. The need to behave with integrity towards my own values of respect and decency, knowing that the world I want to live in and create is one of respect for others and myself, and being honest with my own feelings and clear about the damage done to that same integrity when I tolerate disrespect from people who, to be perfectly honest, have utter contempt for “faggots like me” (for the record and so as not to confuse people-I'm bisexual- neither gay nor straight). I will pour out these ideas in my own words and art; but it is also business. To be honest and true when that same honesty is overwhelming and uncomfortable, there's a challenge. Art can harness this passion and I can make a living at it because I do it well. Caveat emptor.
Another note I need to stick in here is something a friend told me a few years ago that I wish I had been told as a child, and maybe the single most important lesson I have ever learned. There are only two things every single human has to do in this world. First-Make your own decisions, nobody can do that for you. Second-Live by the consequences.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
A smile so big
I am childlike in the dawning amazement about the scope and nature of the changes this new engine (blog is such a clumsy, inelegant word) is enabling. Yet another awakening is occurring. The number of needs and desires this is addressing in me is transformational. Podium/soapbox/storefront/laboratory/gallery/publishing house and more, and it has been in front of me all this time! I feel a little sheepish for having had the potential in my grasp for so long and to not have known the possibilities. Certainly not the first time I have undergone something this profound, and how lucky (is blessed too strong a word?) am I to experience it again?! No excuse for failing to bloom; I am empowered.
I’m tempted to pop my brain in a stream-of consciousness mess all over this screen but won’t quite now, or perhaps ever. A need for discipline regarding this mode of communicating is pretty self-evident to me. But so much passion and an acute awareness of how short our time can be… I want to make my fire burn for a long time.
I’m tempted to pop my brain in a stream-of consciousness mess all over this screen but won’t quite now, or perhaps ever. A need for discipline regarding this mode of communicating is pretty self-evident to me. But so much passion and an acute awareness of how short our time can be… I want to make my fire burn for a long time.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Homo Novus
Here I am at the beginning of a whole new adventure in my life and trying not to engage in too many birth cries; I'm a little overwhelmed and getting my bearings. Kinda like learning to breath in a new atmosphere you could say. In the same way that a newborn isn't going to be any kind of a conversationalist, for the moment I'm going to just be quiet for now. I just had to do this first.
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