Self absorbtion or self description?

You know, the more I contemplate what I’m doing with this site, the more I realize just how uncertain I am about things. So much of what I have to say seems so self-absorbed, so self-important. But, at the same time I seem to pull a thread through it all that makes it pertinent to a bigger picture(at least to me). Another aspect of the democratization that this tool facilitates; we can all say something. Part public diary (perhaps an oxymoron), part platform to proclaim- “I believe this. Engage me.” A large part of this is the fact that I am a fairly quiet, self-contained person, not terrifically social or talkative. I do feel passionate about some things (quite a few really) however, and so here we are. It seems that I’m sharing what I am about myself on this site in the belief that what I have to say is so deeply interconnected with my art and politics that I don’t know where to draw the line, or to what degree a distinction needs to be drawn- the personal is political.

Clearly I’m not a writer, and the rather oblique fashion I take is pretty indicative of an absence of formal education. I, like so many other people in this life, am engaged in on the job training. I’m wanting to recall a quote of Noam Chomsky that a friend mentioned; something about (I’ll parabutcher here) “Never has there been more opportunity to get an education than right now, you just won’t get it at a university.”

I’ll, for now, lay things down in the following format- (having the heart of a poet, as someone whom I respect told me once. Not a poet, just the heart of one.) who, what, why, when, and how. If you’re wondering where the where is? The glorious Sonoran desert (except for a short, extremely important spell in that unsustainable conglomeration called El Lay).

Who am I? The label I was given, which is derived from my family’s past, is John Steven Holmes. A human being, and according to the systemic structure that rational thinking has developed over the last few centuries, Homo sapiens. The Latin root sapiens means wise, to have discriminating taste, to be sensible. Who I am is born of my senses; I am, and we, this species, are sensible. Although, perceiving the things going on around me I wonder if it isn’t time to reassess this description. I was born August 25th, 1964. I am not a fixed, static state but a perpetually changing being, and as such, this could be a long list of adjectives that will continue to grow. I am an artist, I am a frosting maker on the cake of society. And lest you question the value of the arts, ask yourself, which do you prefer, cake with or without frosting? And how much more will you pay for that?

What do I do? I make the things that come into my mind. I respond to the feelings that arise from my perceptions that in turn modify my definitions of myself. The answer is contingent upon the question, or rather the statement-“I am”- dissatisfied with my surroundings, I will change the stimulus to create a state of satisfaction. This is also modified by when I have done what I have done.
Why do I do what I do? Because I am dissatisfied with my state of being and the conditions that shape my perceptions.
When have I done things? The answer to that question is an extensive list of actions laid out in a chronological fashion, that for many people contribute to the definitions, the answer to the question of who I am. To those of you who might like a bit more, I’ll post what passes for my c.v. soon.And you can bet I'll have a lot of poetic fun with that one as well.
How do I do that which I have done and will do? Answer-technical training and accumulated experiences that have provided me with insight into the nature of material reality and the means of manipulating those materials to satisfy my needs.
So much for the playful/poetic approach. In this world, if I want to wear the label of “Artist” as a professional, I find it funny that a segment of our society that has a history of breaking with convention can be so goddamned static and utterly rigid, so uncompromising in its expectations of presentation, format and formality. I try to play the game most of the time, but sometimes I like to test the load bearing limits of the “rules”; how far do they bend before they break?
An artists statement is a bit of all of what I have been so loquaciously pouring out; an expression of why I do what I do, a little bit of what I do, how I do what I do. I guess the when is what is in a c.v..

My philosophy of art, of aesthetics, is also one of healing, of filling the void, of first identifying the unmet need that drives us all. I believe that all of us, everywhere, do what we do because we believe it to be, at some level (usually unknown to us though) good for us; it resolves something inside us. A friend told me once that we all have holes in us that we need filled, it’s just that what we use to fill those holes doesn’t always fit; it may feel good, but that doesn’t mean it fits.

For now, simply put-I make beauty. The next question might be- “What is beauty?” Setting that one aside for a moment, the drive to creation needs to be addressed first. I make something in response to an absence. I don’t make something I already have; the experiential baseline is that of -not beautiful. I’m not saying ugly; that is something altogether different, although I honestly haven’t given it much thought. The baseline is a negative, not having that which I desire. Where does this desire to make come from? An absence, a void, a dissatisfaction, a negative.

I am- a reality modifier, one who engages in action in response to my perceptions, my sensations that allow me to discriminate between my senses according to the quality of those perceptions and the effect those sensations have upon my state of being. My reality is-( fill in the blank). Your actions will follow from that description. What you do depends upon how you feel, literally upon your perceptions, your physical sensitivity to your surroundings. How you describe your reality will inform how you behave. To be sensitive is to be more fully human. The degree to which we are sensitive is the degree to which we are humane. To perceive in a discriminating fashion is to be human. Sensitivity is contingent upon awareness, cognition. I think, therefore I am. My reality is that which I perceive. What I perceive is subject to my actions. I am a doer, I engage in action, I am an actor. Am I what I do?

Cracking the whip over my own head

Lawd-a-mighty, give me the time and energy to find my voice and shout it out loud!
Again I'm struck by the dynamic qualities of this blog thing; I'll get over it soon, or not, and just continue the feeling coming over me. Reading a lot of other blogs recently, I'm humbled by the wealth of brilliance and stunned at the same time by just how many stupid people there are. How much weirdness can this planet hold?
I've concluded that this soapbox should be, just that, so look for more passion, hyperbole, and a good dose of my best efforts at articulate thought about whatever comes to mind. When enough cash crosses my palms to pay down my credit card I'll be able to get Lithicvision.com up and running; in the mean time I'm just gonna howl (or whimper, as need be). Starting with some general observations I have made in the past; I just need to get these things out there.
I haven't done much of my own ruminating (that is to say writing/thinking on paper) for several months and was going over the older things that, at the time, seemed reasonable. As I reread them in hopes of posting some I see just how many things need to be tweaked. Events come and go and much of what I wrote to just get it out of my head seems so topical and...not very contemporary but I am modifying them to put up here and have what follows for a start. DISCLAIMER: this is a little stiff and has been done to be clear in my own head at least as much as for public consumption. I also like playing with words and being full of myself sometimes.
While it seems that some of the wind has gone from the sail of the far right god thugs, I need to get this first declaration out there. Another DISCLAIMER: ANY REFERENCES TO, OR DIRECT STATEMENTS OF VIOLENCE ARE THEORETICAL AND ABSTRACT. THEY ARE WORDS NOT ACTIONS. Rhetoric has its place and with words being the most powerful creation of humanity, I will do my best to use them judiciously and with an awareness of the consequences. Indeed it is with this understanding that I choose the words I do, they are the most effective means of expressing my passion and, however loosely constructed they my be, my philosophical beliefs. I'm not an academic I just like to flex my verbal/mental muscles sometimes. I may regret somethings sometimes but, as the Butthole Surfers said, via the Red Hot Chili Peppers-It's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't do.
Now- 1...2...3...GO
A PATRIOTIC DEMOCRAT
In light of the Christian rights’ concerted efforts to disenfranchise me, as a human being with a predisposition to loving people regardless of their gender, I feel compelled to define a few terms being bandied about of late. This is directed at those of you under the aforementioned umbrella who demonstrate the capacity to think and reflect (and I know you‘re out there); the rest of you, well, you’re too fucking stupid to reason with, so forget it.
One of the words flying about: patriotism. I’ll include here associated words and phrases such as “love of country”, “good American”, and the like. The definition in Webster’s Tenth-patriot: one who loves his or her country and respects its authority and interests. My country, ‘tis of thee, land of liberty, land that I love. What more than words do I give, how do you know its not just glib sophistry, words. Since the implication is that you don’t respect me enough to take my words, what else do I have to do? How do I prove to you that I love my country? And better yet that I respect its authority and interests? What credentials are required of me to be a patriot? Let me ask you a question. Does your questioning of my words imply that you don’t have enough respect for me to take me at my word?
My country, where I was born; yep, I really dig the place I call home, it’s pretty fucking great in fact and I’m really tired of unaccountable and irresponsible greedy bastards taking everything they can get their bloody little hands on and poisoning the space that we all share in the process. And that’s not just corporations but most of us, we’re all responsible for this place but some of us are dirtier than others. I’m sick and tired (in some cases literally) of “shareholders” who are too fucking stupid to understand that we all have a stake in how this ship sails, not just the ones with the most money. It’s my air, my water, my land also, quit fucking it up for your goddamned money, or better yet because your god gave it to you to do as you please. My country, the place organized around the Declaration and Constitution? The “idea” of my country as opposed to the more mundane and tangible “land”? The idea that we are all equal and thus endowed with the same things as one another by virtue of our common humanity? Specifically rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? That the role of government is to secure these qualities that we all have in common from those that would prevent us from exercising our liberty? That it only does what it does for me, on my behalf, with my agreement, and indeed that its’ only claim to legitimacy is because I have agreed to let it do so, it lies in my consent to be governed. If that same government ceases to do that, it is in fact my duty to change that dynamic and stop it from alienating me from my nature which is predisposed to liberty. I will absolutely trumpet my love of those ideas, I love my country.
Do I respect its authority? Since it exists for me, by my consent, since its authority comes from my willingness to be governed, it seems to me that question is kinda silly.
Respect it interests? A nation built upon self-interest, not king and cleric. It is up to me to determine what is in my best interests. Why would I not love a country like that? How rational, how reasonable! How enlightened!
We can all get together and decide what is the best course for this organization of humanity. If you don’t want to listen to me, take my thoughts into consideration, in this organization, you can’t tell me what to do. If you expect me to listen to you I expect you to do the same. If your religious beliefs dictate that I be excluded from this agreement, we don’t have a democracy, we have a theocracy. I don’t feel very patriotic towards a theocracy that thinks I am not endowed with the same qualities as you. Patriotism in America means valuing equality, not your religious beliefs. Democracy trumps religion every time. I’ll say it again- When it doesn’t we don’t have democracy we have theocracy. My equality beats your religion; I do value my secular agreement over and above your small-minded exclusionary religious beliefs. I can’t help it if you insist on distorting, twisting and misunderstanding my beliefs into something you feel justified in beating me over the head with. Secular humanism is not my religion no matter how much you insist in ignoring what I’ve said to the contrary; I do place my well being and reasoned choices above any religious doctrine. To do contrary is to deny my humanity, or as you might put it to deny how god made me, and god doesn’t make mistakes does she? (oops, there I go again, playing around with gender) Wouldn’t it be sacrilegious of me to believe otherwise? To go against the wishes and will of my creator?
I have a duty, a responsibility to stand up to when you are being disagreeable, when you are telling me to do something that is contrary to my happiness. Together we can reach an agreement to, if nothing else, stay the hell out of each others faces because doing that is better that the alternative, unless you have so little respect for me to even do that (stay out of my face). Let me tell you first however that you are the one trying to tell me how to live my life. I’m not telling you how to live your life. My agenda is one of equality and respect, because I know you’re human and subject to all that that entails. In fact it is in my best interests to treat you that way; people who are respected are more likely to behave with respect. Make no mistake on this count however. When you break your agreement to treat me as you wish to be treated I will no longer uphold any obligations to your life liberty and happiness and gladly send you on your way to heaven, after all, a much better place than what we have here, huh? I will not let you take my country from me even if that means treating you in a fashion that is contrary to the ideals I am trying to uphold. You have agreed to not agree with me. There are consequences for your acts just as there are for everyone.

Yeah, some of what I just said is kinda ugly. Anger is a pretty ugly thing, but it is real and won't be denied. Deal. We, Americans have been doing some pretty ugly things all over the place. Some of us even think it is our "God-given right" to do so. I'm not including myself in that group specifically, but it is a phrase that could use some parsing. Another post some time.
To clarify some things about myself for those of you who need labels to sort things out I'll give a few ideological short cuts. I'm not an anarchist, I'm not a Libertarian, I'm not a gun nut. I am a registered Democrat (although for the record I think we really have one party in this country, the business party that has two wings- Dems and that other bunch). I am an Eagle Scout (to the extent that provides me with some measure, in some peoples eyes, with more "patriot" cred. The BSA has disavowed any claim to legitimacy in my eyes as far as their policy of exclusion is concerned. Again, some other post, some other time.) I was even an Assistant Scout Master for a brief time. If pressed to restrict my religious beliefs down to a label, painful though that is, I would pick Buddhist,(or Hindu, or...) I don't like to simplify things much, life isn't always that way and my thoughts certainly aren't.